I was laid up for a few days last month (better now, thanks), and I had a chance to do something I haven't done in a long while.
No, it wasn't finish that Avengers quilt that I started when the movie came out!
I watched a lot of television. I'm not one of those people that disparages TV. I think there is a lot of television that is very good. But because I work mostly nights, I don't get to view it often. And it seems counter-productive to watch television during the day.
So anyway, I got to watch Maury Povich and Jerry Springer and Judge Judy and all the other judge shows on television these days. I'm sort of glad I don't have time to watch much television.
I still liked "Cops," which I hadn't seen in years. As someone who used to cover court years ago, the situations are not unfamiliar to me. One thing you realize is that, while police shows like "CSI: Miami" are really well-done, that's not real life.
Real life is a large, portly, drunken gentleman standing outside his house trying to explain to officers why he has two bales of marijuana on his front porch.
And they always try to run, don't they? I mean, the guy is wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else. And yet, as he lumbers around the back of his house, you know he's thinking, "If I can just get into the next yard, they'll never find me!" But they do.
I also watched a show called "Cheaters" a few times. This, I will admit, is
Then, when the shows investigators capture enough on tape, the cheating party is confronted by the other person, the guy hosting the show and a bank of cameras.
I get it. Confrontational, dramatic and the live theater is pretty compelling, although I wouldn't want to be the person caught.
And to be honest, I know I wouldn't be a good bet for the show. I can see the host now, showing me the footage of one of my girlfriends with another guy.
Host: "Here we see your girlfriend getting out of a late-model BMW with Mr. X. They're going to dinner at this fancy restaurant."
Me (thinking): "Wow. That's a really sweet car. And that restaurant must cost a fortune!"
Host: "This is a little later. They apparently had tickets to a show, and this individual is escorting your girlfriend to a play at a local theater."
Me (still thinking): "Man, those tickets are tough to get. I wonder who this guy knows? Plus, they cost an arm and a leg!"
Host: "Derek, the reason we contacted you is that your girlfriend is presently at another trendy restaurant in Pittsfield with this gentleman. We're going to meet them right now.."
Me: "OK, sure. Let's go."
So we would have climbed into the van and driven across town. We'd have parked the car and when my girlfriend, let's call her Jane, came out with Mr. X, I guess the "Cheaters" folks were anticipating a heavy-duty confrontation.
But that's not my style. I almost never get too worked up about stuff like that. I think I would have walked up to the guy and probably shaken his hand.
Mr. X: "Uh, hey, man, sorry about this."
Me: "Think nothing of it. I was impressed with the way you treated Jane. She likes nice things. And you seem like a nice guy."
Host: "Uh, Derek, we were kind of hoping you'd get mad and go after this guy. That's why we have all these burly production assistants. To separate you."
Me: "Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Host. I kind of like Mr. X. He seems like a good egg. You know, sometimes these things just don't work out."
Then I would turn to Jane and say, "Hey, I'm sorry we didn't connect. I really liked you, but I think this guy likes you more. Good luck."
Host: "Oh, brother. Cut!"
So don't expect to see me on television anytime soon.
Derek Gentile is an Eagle staffer. Contact him at dgentile@berk
shireeagle.com or follow him at @DerekGentile on Twitter.