I was pretty excited to learn that someone as famous as GLORIA STEINEM was coming to speak at the college in North Adams; normally we don't receive such ROAMING ELITES. But what would this feminist icon be talking about? The ENIGMAS LOITER. I resolved to solve this mystery through my use of anagram augury. But don't worry, this isn't another feminist icon under attack from MALE SORTIEING. My column is just one voice amidst the REGIONAL ITEMS, trying to get at the truth by TOEING REALISM.

GLORIA STEINEM was a co-founder of Ms. magazine, at a time when your average magazine featuring women featured their bodies. MOST A LINGERIE spread, with choices consisting of Playboy or TEN OILIER MAGS, so you can see why she might have wanted to put forward a voice for women. No stranger to Playboy, Steinem once served as a Playboy Bunny for an article talking about how one might feel A MOLESTING IRE from the sexual demands made of women there. The way they were treated by MEN, TAIL ORGIES were not uncommon. Such are the conditions when one tries to MONETISE A GIRL as a glorified MALE GROIN SITE.

So one might be forgiven for thinking that when it comes to pet peeves for GLORIA STEINEM, that IT'S MAN OGLE IRE. But while it might be true that some men who would humbly defer to a male president will still OGLE A MINISTER when female, one of her larger concerns IS MORE GENITAL. More specifically, the idea that women should have access to birth control and abortion, an idea EGOIST MEN RAIL against. Steinem co-founded Voters for Choice, opposed to the idea that an embryo is an ELITE ORGANISM that has more rights than the woman carrying it. With most women using birth control available from SOME RETAILING establishment -- even women of religions against birth control -- IT'S A MINOR GLEE.

Speaking of which, Steinem IGNITES MORALE within the feminist movement as she TAMES RELIGION, or at least the parts that want to make women subservient. While the idea of young women rebelling against religious doctrine may ROIL AGEIST MEN, she might well tell a moralizing Bible-thumper, "See how I MORALISE, GENT! If men and women do the SAME LOITERING on this earth, why should I be inferior to a MANLIER EGOIST?"

Admittedly, GLORIA STEINEM never said it in those words. (Well, what is a humor column if not a MINOR LIE STAGE.) But she could have. Anyone who so fiercely campaigned for the Equal Rights Amendment couldn't ignore the anti GAL ENORMITIES in some religious texts, any more than she could ignore that women suffering from income inequality might deserve a LONGTIME RAISE. There's a lot for a feminist to be upset about, SO ENRAGE LIMIT may be reached.

Thus I don't know quite how GLORIA STEINEM will open her lecture on the progression of feminism. Probably not "Through IRATE MEN I SLOG to be here, so make some NOISE, TEAM GIRL!" But I'm guessing that her overarching message will be one of working toward equality, an idea that MERITS A LEGION. In fact, since all this anagram augury IS GERMANE TOIL, I think I've finally distilled the essence of feminism:

Don't be a MEANIE TO GIRLS.

Seth Brown knows that writing is GRIMIEST ALONE, so thanks you for being a LISTENER, AMIGO. Any paper with his column IS NO TRIM EAGLE. His website is RisingPun.com.