WILLIAMSTOWN >> Dear Environmental Adviser: I've heard that the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Given the way the other Republican presidential candidates, all of whom are environmental zombies, have been piling on Trump, also a zombie, does that mean I have to like the guy?
Dear Trumped: Although zombies have taken over television, including the Republican debates, numerous historical precedents show that authoritarian personalities, like Donald Trump's, are never friends, regardless of whom they're fighting. Try soothing tea rather than capital T.
Dear EA: I shopped at the Price Chopper in North Adams for some 30 years. Now that it's closed, should I cast my lot with foodies, turning to tofu and cauliflower at the co-op, or can I continue my wastrel ways at another supermarket?
— Ham Burger
Dear Ham Burger: You may want to invoke the Latin phrase, de gustibus non disputandum, which can be translated, in this case, if you like it, go ahead and eat it. You will, however, be perpetuating the farting-bovine-industrial-complex that is contributing to climate change.
Dear EA: Where can I get one of those solar caps? I've always wanted to walk around with a solar panel on my head.
— Capless in Berkshire
Dear Capless: Unfortunately you have been mislead. A solar cap is what a soccer player gets if he/she plays in intergalactic competition. Oh, and it's also a capricious, counterproductive limit on the amount of solar energy Massachusetts residents can generate.
Dear EA: Some Adams folks think there should be town signs at the summit of Mt. Greylock. Shouldn't all Greylock trails have signs indicating when the hiker passes from one town to another? Thus if you climbed the Money Brook Trail, you would start in Williamstown, duck into North Adams at the Falls, return to Williamstown, return to North Adams on the AT crossing Notch Road, pass into Adams before Mt. Fitch, and skirt Williamstown again just before arriving at the tower, with signs at each boundary. Or do you think that the mountain belongs to everyone and what town you're in on the Reservation doesn't really make any difference?
— Municipal Man.
Dear Municipal Man: Sign up — for a cluttered mountain. Have you watched the sun rise or set from Mt. Greylock? Looking out from the summit on Monadnock, the Adirondacks, the Catskills — or Adams — who needs a sign.
Dear EA: Bernie or Hillary?
Dear Envirocrat: De gustibus (see Ham Burger, above) means we lay off in matters of taste. But this is true, whether you are a devoted Hillary follower who says that Bernie can't produce or feel the Bern and repeat the misinformation Republicans and the internet spread about Hillary, once the candidate is chosen you'd better get behind him or her because the alternative is unprintable (see Trumped, above). And to tell more truth, we really should stop the badmouthing now.
At least, that's how it looks from the White Oaks.
A writer and environmentalist, Lauren R. Stevens is a regular Eagle contributor.