I saw a boob at Sesame Place.
Now before the women in the reading audience go and label me “some juvenile half-man pervert,' at least hear my story, OK? It's the least you could do.
So there I am, early in the evening, sitting in an inner tube floating along in Big Bird's Rambling River, when, above me, a young woman stood futzing around with her stroller. She was blonde, attractive, wearing a string bikini top, and her jennifers were more Love Hewitt than Lopez, if you catch my drift, which you definitely do. So being a red-blooded American male, my eyes, they lingered. (HEY! You. Yeah you. Not yet. Don't call me “some juvenile half-man pervert' yet. Story's not over.)
So anyway, she's leaning over the stroller and before you could say, “Hey lady, your boob just popped out!' her boob just popped out. One moment it was safely ensconced in a bikini, the next moment - plink! - slipped right out. And she didn't realize it. She stood up, she still didn't realize it. I floated away -- literally -- and she was standing there, boob outed for every Tom, Dick and Grover to see.
As far as trips to Sesame Place go, this one ranks somewhere between “rousing success' and “victory.' (Now's as good a time as any for the yelling of “YOU'RE A JUVENILE HALF-MAN PERVERT!' Go ahead. Let it fly.)
But here's the thing: I'm not. I'm just, as stated earlier, red-blooded, American and male, and as such, I will steal glances at attractive women at virtually every opportunity. And if a boob pops out in the process? Well, listen, not my fault. I just happened to be floating by. Innocent bystander. Byfloater. What have you.
This is what men do. If men were graded on how often they looked at attractive women, we'd all get A's and we wouldn't need the benefit of a curve. (There's a pun in there, I think.)
Just to be clear: I'm not alone. Men do this. I'm not breaking news here, I realize, but I do think it's worth mentioning as the summer season is getting started. It's also, arguably, one of the main reasons Sesame Place has enjoyed such a long and profitable run in it's one and only Langhorne, Pa. location, which isn't exactly Orlando.
Oh yes, sure, of course, it's a fantastic theme park. It really is, no lie. I live close enough that I'm a season pass holder, and my kids -- ages 4 and 2 -- love the rides, love the water, love being able to get up and close with the characters. We always have a good time.
But there's also -- and there's really no politically correct way to put this -- a lot of hot moms there and as a result, there's a lot of dads who don't mind going to Sesame Place. What could be a long, tiring, annoying day filled with screaming kids and long lines is instead transformed into a long, tiring, annoying day filled with screaming kids and long lines and a steady parade of bikinis.
“Yes, it's very bearable because of the sexy young moms in bikinis,' an (obviously) anonymous dad told me. “I make sure I wear my shades so I can look at the sexy moms longer than I would if I didn't have them on. Oh, and I love to let my wife take my son on rides so I can sit back and watch the sexy bodies stroll by.'
Of course, ladies, this is not a one-way street. There are, I'm sure, a handful of hot-bodied men walking about the park, but ... well, not in the same numbers, I'm afraid.
Now understand: I'm not trying to turn a wholesome family experience into some Caligulan orgiastic nightmare, but I do think - and in the spirit of gender equalization(!) - it's worth noting us menfolk aren't above a sneak peak now and again and again. And again. Fair warning.
Oh and by the way, if you think I'm nuts for writing this column, know this: My wife sometimes points out some of the more “whoa momma' mommas to me while at Sesame Place, so she knows the score. She's also a very attractive young woman herself, and so help me, fellas, if any of you travel out my way this season and I catch you checking her out while we're hanging around Ernie's Water Works and ... oh wait a second. I may need a rethink here. Gonna need to get the team back in the conference room on this one ...
Jeff Edelstein can be reached at facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein and twitter.com/jeffedelstein.