Diogenes of North County: From Obamacare to spring break



It’s time now for Good Morning Berkshire Country with your host, Johnnie Carrier.

Thanks Chet, hey don’t forget friends that Good Morning Berkshire Country news is brought to you by Mellow puddin’. If you can’t sleep at night, but find sleep aids too much, try Mellow puddin’. A unique blend of melatonin, Benadryl, and rich chocolate that tastes great and will give you a great night’s sleep, try Mellow puddin’ tonight -- not FDA approved, don’t fall asleep in your puddin’, and never operate any motor vehicle while on Mellow.

In the headlines: President Obama backs out on deal to give a T-shirt to the first 7 million who signed up for Obamacare by the deadline in March. Presidential staffers claim the T-shirt website keeps crashing. Presidential spokesperson Marianne Topper said that the president is "Sorry for any inconvenience this presents to folks who really wanted or needed that new shirt."

The president is also quoted as saying, "I’ve fixed one website, and I’m not doing another one." We’ll have a full report from Bill Newman live at T-shirt Warehouse coming up.

Both houses of Congress voted last night to approve a resolution that allows them the right to ignore the poll that states four-fifths of the voting public think they are useless, while proving their moms make up one-fifth of the same population.

In other headlines, spring break recently wrapped up all over Florida. And like years past, drunken nudity was the biggest problem facing police officers all over the east coast of the Sunshine State. For video of the nudity problem on Cocoa Beach, you may link to our website and for 99 cents a minute you can view the entire three-hour video, taped by our crack staff. You must be over 21 to view this video. And remember it’s pretty cool ... I mean graphic.

Friends, the news is brought to you by those fine, thoughtful and caring folks from the General American Tobacco Co. When it’s time to relax, be sure to light up a General. And by The American General Coffin Co., when you stop coughin’, let them carry you off in an American General Coffin.

In international news, Russian President Vladimir Putun is selling a calendar of his shirtless sportsman shots. A shot of him, shirtless and lying on a tiger- skin rug in front of a romantic fire for February is just one example. Calendars sell for 1,500 rubles, at most KVS Pharmacies and at Walmartski’s.

Taking a look at the weather, there is a Bermuda high approaching from the south this week, making it hot and humid with temps in the high 80s. (Don’t I wish) There is a chance for a shower except for over the weekend, because I never shower on the weekends. Lows will be when I have to wake up on Monday.

In sports news ... The New York Mets, now free of Ike Davis, are now convinced that they can at least capture a wild card spot when the playoffs begin in October. At a news conference, Mets manager Terry Collins was pressed for an answer, and finally said he didn’t know what year that October playoff appearance would happen, but admitted it wouldn’t be soon.

Don’t forget, preceding this newscast stay tuned for, "Hey, you’re my Dad," the reality based game show where blind folded family members try to identify their parents with a series of questions. It’s the second best thing you can do while blindfolded, and that’s all happening next over most of these same networks. For Good Morning Berkshire Country, I’m Johnnie Carrier.

Johnnie Carrier is a freelance writer who stole Ian’s coughin’ (coffin) joke. "You can complain when we’re fishing."


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