The Pun Also Rises: Much to be made of Bernie Sanders

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NORTH ADAMS >> While the media has been exhaustively covering the Republican's anti-establishment candidate in the form of Donald Trump, there has been less coverage for the Democrat's anti-establishment candidate: BERNIE SANDERS.

Yet it is his campaign where my BANNERS RESIDE, so much so that the other week I found myself talking about BERNIE SANDERS while curled up with my girlfriend. (Surely such political talk must be a RARENESS IN BED!) So I thought I would use my powers of anagram augury to figure out just what my NERD BRAIN SEES in this candidate.

Right off the bat, I like that BERNIE SANDERS has sworn to talk about the issues and avoid all mudslinging. It's easy to let DEBRIS ENSNARE your political messaging, and certainly other candidates are EAR BENDERS IN love with trash talk so much that their rubbish BINS ARE DENSER. But Bernie leaves that garbage aside, for his BRAND IS SERENE.

What BERNIE SANDERS wants to talk about is issues. Issues like income inequality, where some people go hungry, can't fill their NEEDS NEAR RIBS, and a family RE-BASES DINNER on half-portions.

Meanwhile, the Marie Antoinette type SNEERS IN BREAD "Let them eat cake," unaware that for many it is a struggle to EARN DENSE RIBS. A living wage would ensure that no one finds their list of NEEDS IS BARREN instead of filled.

Another big issue for BERNIE SANDERS is inclusivity. At a time where certain INSANER BREEDS of candidate are insulting women, minorities, and immigrants, he is standing up for their rights. He believes migrant workers who toil to plant SEEDS IN BARREN fields or whose job IS RENDER BEANS should enjoy fair labor practices.

Speaking of labor, he believes women deserve autonomy over their own bodies, that it is not birth control that BREEDS A SINNER, but domestic violence. When Black Lives Matter angrily protested his rally, he didn't have them bodily thrown out and BAN IRE SENDERS, but rather felt the issue deserved REDRESS, BE IN AN updated platform.

And BERNIE SANDERS has addressed racial justice in his platform, not only the horrible deaths, but the mass incarceration. He wants to BE RID ENSNARES of the private prison industry, which has left our SENSE BARRED IN along with literally millions of Americans. Any country claiming to be the land of the free will first NEED BARS RISEN on a caged population.

Various other topics receive notice from BERNIE SANDERS, whether it's oil pipelines threatening to REND BRINE SEAS with pollution, or his belief that Obama's deal with IRAN BRED SENSE rather than start a nuclear war. Being a dove instead of a hawk should EARN BIRD SENSE.

And yet too few people take BERNIE SANDERS seriously. Some write him off as a socialist, presuming this RED BASE SINNER of a communist should be ignored. Others mock his lack of polish, which is no doubt why earlier this year we saw his BID EARN SNEERS.

But his popularity has continued to grow, in a party where I SENSED BARREN enthusiasm for Hillary, Bernie came along and suddenly everyone is saying, "DIE, BARRENNESS! This voter no longer SEES INNER DRAB, because I finally have a candidate supporting my BANNER DESIRES." The political NERDS BE ARISEN, drawn in by a candidate who believes in the people.

If you think you might possibly be drawn in by BERNIE SANDERS, then my advice to you is this: SIR, BE ENSNARED.

Seth Brown is always glad to see a NERD BASE RISEN. His idea of a good party is SNEERS AND BRIE, so if you know chuckleheads bearing cheese, SEND IN BEARERS at once. His website is RisingPun.com.


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