Here's a few of Abigail Van Buren's more memorable answers. Her replies were often flippant and occasionally risqué one-liners.
Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? -- Carol
Dear Carol: Nevermind what he'd like, give him a tie. Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Have you any suggestions? -- M.J.B.
Dear M.J.B.: Yes. Run for a public office.
Dear Abby: Are birth control pills deductible? -- Bertie
Dear Bertie: Only if they don't work.
Dear Abby: What inspires you most to write? -- Ted
Dear Ted: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
Dear Abby: I've been going with this girl for a year. How can I get her to say yes? -- Don
Dear Don: What's the question?
Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 81 2-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 81 2-pound baby be this premature? -- Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.
Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast -- still in the buff. We're newlyweds and
Dear Ed: It's OK with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.
Dear Abby: Two men who claim to be father and adopted son just bought an old mansion across the street and fixed it up. We notice a very suspicious mixture of company coming and going at all hours -- blacks, whites, Orientals, women who look like men and men who look like women. ... This has always been considered one of the finest sections of San Francisco, and these weirdos are giving it a bad name. How can we improve the neighborhood? -- Nob Hill Residents
Dear Residents: You could move.