DEAR ABBY: I've been married for 38 years and have three grown kids and three grandkids. My wife is a teacher, and my kids are doing well. I have always been unfaithful throughout the marriage. My wife and kids suspect it but none of them say anything about it. I can't live like this anymore. I feel very guilty, and I want to move to another country — my home country. Should I tell my wife about all my affairs, that I'm seeing someone else and that I don't want to be with her?

— Ready in New Jersey  

DEAR READY: And what's the alternative? Would it be that you will change your ways, forgo the philandering you have engaged in for the last 38 years of your marriage, and remain in the U.S.? Somehow, I doubt it.

Yes, you should level with your wife. And when you do, do not delude yourself into thinking she'll be pleased to hear her marriage has been a lie from the beginning. And don't expect your children to respect you for the choices you have made — and are making. You owe it to your wife to ensure that she will be financially secure after you go galloping off. Considering what you are planning, it may be the only way you'll be able to look yourself in the eye when you groom yourself every day.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.