DEAR ABBY: Our son "Leo," 24, has bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. He is single, lives 2,000 miles from us and is homeless. He refuses treatment.

I see him about every three months when I go and find him. His relationship with his dad, my husband, is not good. My husband has made many approaches to Leo, but our son rejects him.

My husband told me that when he dies, I should not say anything to Leo, and he wants me to agree on that. I agreed, but I think that is too hard. Do you think my husband is right on that request?

-- Problem family in Puerto Rico

DEAR PROBLEM FAMILY: Yes, I do. Your husband is being realistic, having made repeated approaches to Leo and being rejected. When he's gone, your son won't miss him, so please respect your husband's wishes if it will bring him peace of mind.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.