Seth Brown: The Pun Also Rises | The millennial raven (with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

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Once upon a midnight dreary, I was pondering my theory

On a very humble dish which has caused many to be snide.

Avocado spread on toast, just carb with protein, yet it boasts

An eager condescending host of people happy to deride.

What about the avocado toast makes everyone deride?

Not the food, but what's implied.

It was less than three years ago, a millionaire who you don't know

(Tim Gurner) offered his advice for buying houses. Here's his guide:

Your house purchase is depending on you reining in your spending,

And this must mean ending any pricey habits, now denied.

What's the main example he used as a habit now denied?

Avo Toast, he testified.

Paraphrased, and then retweeted by Time Magazine, a heated

Argument had started, and the cry now echoed nationwide.

"These dang kids," the stories all go, "Spend their cash on avocados,

That's why they have got no money left for houses occupied."

Is the avocado why those houses go unoccupied?

That's what many folks implied.

This played into the perception, that the young kids since inception

Lacked the kind of ethic that gave older folks their sense of pride.

These kids were called whiny, rude, and had an awful attitude,

Instead of showing gratitude for what the older folks provide.

Old people saying younger kids weren't gracious for what they provide?

That's an ancient great divide.

Strife between the generations is hardly a new creation,

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"Don't trust anybody over 30" was a battle cry.

But this argument perennial rose again with the Millennials,

Who were mocked in media and constantly were vilified.

Why were the Millennials mocked, invariably vilified?

Scapegoats have a bloodied hide.

"Millennials are just the worst," the pundits published. Papers burst

With articles explaining why Millennials were undignified.

"They buy toast that is expensive, and they find all things offensive,

These whiny, defensive snowflakes are the worst kids, countrywide."

Articles continued blaming all Millennials countrywide,

This idea would not subside.

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Millennials faced ceaseless insulting, mocked for failing at adulting,

Swiftly blamed for every single industry that may have died.

"Millennials killed (X product chain)," the news reported once again

As different habits, and a lot of debt, meant things were pushed aside.

Even though most of these things deserved to be pushed to the side,

The pundits all seemed horrified.

And then, 'twas just a few months back, after one more verbal attack

On whiny, lazy, soft Millennials, who very likely cried,

"Your generation has it good, yet never does a thing they should,

You're in eternal childhood, and somehow this is glorified."

Millennials did not agree their lives were soft and glorified.

"OK, Boomer," they replied.

The Boomers said, "That's quite enough, we will not stand for all your guff.

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You ought to show respect; our expectations must be satisfied."

Millennials who'd been receiving no respect were not perceiving

Any reason for believing that's something they should provide.

Millennials had a single answer they decided to provide.

"OK, Boomer," they replied.

The Boomers flew into a rage. "You dare discriminate on age?

I thought Millennials disliked broad insults. Well, I guess you lied."

Millennials felt each vicious rumor of them spoken by a Boomer

Who said "Get a sense of humor, snowflake." made this justified.

What was the main statement that they felt was fully justified?

"OK, Boomer," they replied.

A generation crushed by debt, a climate up in flames, and yet,

This is the thing that somehow makes the Boomers all fit to be tied.

Democracy being assaulted, bigotry being exalted,

Can Millennials be faulted for being a little snide?

It's no wonder that Millennials had felt a little snide.

"OK, Boomer," they replied.

That's my column on these pages, and perhaps you feel it's ageist.

And perhaps the term is, but I urge you, take it all in stride.

Currently it's all a meme, but it will pass — UNLESS you seem

Upset to the extreme, in which case, it will keep being applied.

Millennials mocked for years now have their joke, so maybe let it ride.

OK, Boomer? Just abide.

Seth Brown, of North Adams, is an award-winning humor writer and the author of "From God To Verse." His website is The opinions expressed by columnists do not necessarily reflect the views of The Berkshire Eagle.


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