Seth Brown | The Pun Also Rises: '7 Christmas Carols for the CDC'

CDC stands for "Centers for Disease Control", a national organization of over ten thousand people working to keep Americans healthy, who have just been told by the Trump administration that they are banned from using seven certain words in their official budget documents. These seven words are much less objectionable than the seven words banned from TV which George Carlin made famous. Although I imagine many people are saying some of those words in response to the banning of these words.

CDC also stands for "Christmas Day Caroling," which is why I have written these seven brand new songs specifically for the CDC:


*to the tune of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Rockin' around the CDC,

Where they all are talking shop.

Evidence-based for accuracy,

Is what some folks want to stop

Rockin' around the CDC,

Where they'll weather these attacks.

Because they know in the land of the free,

Citizens deserve the facts.


*to the tune of "Away in a Manger"

A lay with a stranger, creates embryo,

The newly-made fetus beginning to grow.

It's first embryonic, when egg meets the sperm,

The newly-made fetus, not yet brought to term.

It's only a baby once there is a birth,

Until then a fetus, thus named on this earth.

It's true that a fetus deserves some respect,

But saying it's not one would be incorrect.


*to the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Grandma got done over by no healthcare,

Falling deathly ill on Christmas eve.

Vulnerable groups such as the aged,

More often have health problems received.

Other vulnerable groups are many:

Racial and ethnic minorities,

Homeless, uninsured, and the impoverished,

Those with mental illness or HIV.

When constructing healthcare for a nation,

Vulnerable groups require some thought.

Too often they're not served by standard practice,

And our whole nation suffers if they're not.


*to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

God rest ye fair transgender men,

Transgender women, too.

Remember the expert on your

Identity is you.

And don't let those small-minded folk

Tell you where you should poo.

You can live your life as a girl or a boy,

Girl or a boy,

You can live your life as a girl or a boy.


*to the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to town"

You're going to shout,

The well has run dry!

Your budget's run out,

I'm telling you why:

Entitlements are being brought down

They're cutting programs

For which you have paid

Like Social Security

And Medicaid

Entitlements are being brought down

You funded them from paychecks

For all the years you worked,

But now those payouts will be wrecked

By a bunch of selfish jerks


*to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"

Diversity, Diversity,

You make our nation stronger.

Diversity, Diversity,

To hate you couldn't be wronger.

You let perspectives be pursued,

New wisdom, and new tasty food.

Diversity, Diversity,

You make our nation stronger.


*To the tune of "Silent night"



Facts are used,

Truths are faced.

Wishing doesn't make things true,

That's why scientists do what they do.

Let them do their jobs in peace,

Let them do their jobs in peace.

Seth Brown is an award-winning humor writer, the author of "From God To Verse", and is not a ban fan. His website is


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